What's So Important About Eye Contact in a Law Practice?

Of all the behaviors in a lawyer's interpersonal toolbox eye communication is one of the most important. This is because only your eyes make a direct connection with your clients.

Eye contact carries messages of attention, interest, involvement, intimacy, as well as intimidation. Everything depends upon the length of the gaze. Representing over 90 percent of your personal communication, eye contact of two-to-four seconds is what communicates your desire to connect and create a rapport, your understanding and empathy.

The actual meaning of any eye contact, especially of longer duration, will depend, in part, upon other nonverbal communication itself, the context of the situation, and the relationship of the interactants. For example, eye contact of 10 seconds or more may mean "I find you attractive" OR "Watch out or you'll be sorry!" Your tone and body language accompanying it will suggest the appropriate interpretation of the gaze.

The general recommendation is to "look at each other naturally." But what does that really mean? It means look away occasionally so you do not appear to stare. But, at the same time, you have to be careful not to look away so frequently you appear to dart your eyes. Rapidly moving eyes can make you look like a frightened animal. Casualness is the key.

Similarly, you need to keep focused on the other person. Specifically, it is important that you not look at the floor, out the window or at any place other than that the speaker or listener. Glancing around makes you look uncomfortable or disinterested.

If you have difficult making eye contact, you can sweep your gaze over the eyes, look at one eye or the other, at the bridge of the nose, eyebrow, or high on the cheek near the eye. When you show discomfort in the interaction, your client will absorb that emotion, experience it too, and wonder if they really want to be there with you.

Surprisingly the rate at which you blink makes a difference in how others relate to you. A "slow blink," when your eyes are closed for at least five seconds' duration, creates confusion in your clients. Most will not know how to interpret this behavior: Are you bored or anxious or something else?

I personally experienced this slow-blink confusion when having dinner with an attorney I had just met at a conference. When he was not spearing filet mignon or lobster, he was talking to me with his eyes closed. After a while, I felt I was invisible to him and felt bad for his clients.

The only exception to this direct-gaze communication requirement is when you are on camera in an interview format. In this situation you maintain good steady eye contact with the interviewer (not the camera). it shows attentiveness, enthusiasm, interest, and involvement.

How sure are you that your eye contact is good with clients? It is always useful to assess your eye contact behavior to make sure you have not slipped into any bad habits. Some simple ways to increase your awareness of what you do and what you might need to work on include:

- Using the second hand of your watch, count out five seconds and practice holding eye contact with another person for that period of time.

- Using a friend, check to see how it feels when someone
- (1) Looks at you for five, ten, and fifteen seconds
- (2) Looks away for five, ten, and fifteen seconds
- (3) Darts their eyes for ten seconds
- (4) Does a five-to-ten-second slow blink.
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- Observe others in real life, on TV, and in the movies to see how different eye contact makes you feel about the person or character.

- If comfortable doing so,
- (1) Videotape yourself talking with and listening to another or
- (2) Have a friend monitor and analyze your eye-contact habits.

It is important to remember that your eyes speak volumes about you and what you think, feel, and do, not only to your clients and staff but also to juries. With awareness and practice you can make your eyes convey exactly what you want when you want it to create that rapport and relationship.

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