About Movie

After 5 years of being a single mom, I have heard and practiced many different words of advice regarding dating and involving the children. With my children only being 1, 3 and 5 at the time of separation and with me being primary custodian, this did not leave much time to "date" when I did not have my children.

Many people scoffed at me when they found out that I would invite prospective dating partners to meet me for walks with the children at the beach or to sit with while the kids played at a local park. Just as any female friend or coworker, I would introduce them to my children as a friend or a coworker. With my children being such an important part of my life, I needed to see how someone would fit in with my children and, more importantly, with my parenting style.

Whenever I have dated someone for a while without involving my children at the beginning, I have found the relationship is quick to end when the children are exposed. Not only does the significant other have expectations regarding how the children will react, I had expectations regarding how they would relate to my children. Realistically, these are never going to mesh after being fantasized about for too long. It is much better to see at the beginning of a relationship whether the reality can fit into the personalities and expectations. This way the relationship is driven by the reality, not forced into the expectations.

It is also important to note that you need to know your children. If your children are craving another adult in their life and they form attachments easily, obviously don't involve them. My children have never wanted to share me with anyone else, so I have never been concerned about them being hurt when a relationship ends.

My children are also on their absolute worst behavior when they meet any male friend of mine, this way i know that there is full disclosure going into a relationship. With all the cards laid out, we can both decide whether it would be worth it to invest more time an energy into a relationship.

If the decision is to move on, you don't start having family vacations and planning holidays together. You maintain the separation between your dating life and your family life. Continue to have special occasion dinners and events with only your children. Have dates alone with your significant other. Depending on your schedules, share some time together with all of you. Maybe go to dinner, a movie, hiking, or bowling occasionally. At this point, your significant other is your friend that is involved minimally in family life.

If you then decide that you want to proceed with a commitment and more serious relationship from there, then start building the relationship between the children and the significant other. Let them have some special alone time to get to know each other and get a feel for where there relationship will be. Mostly, the children need to see consistent behavior to know that they can trust this person to remain in their future.

Above all, go slow! Don't try and force a relationship, it will come in time with the consistency and the trust. Also remember to always spend quality individual time with your children so they don't feel they have "lost" you and the intimate family they relied on.